[open] a penny in the pond

[DKT]

The camp was alive with activity in the early morning. Apprentices chirped and squealed in the clearing as they waited for their mentors to give them their assignments. The deputy was speaking with the dawn patrol, occasionally interrupting to ask a nearby warrior to complete a task. If he listened, Whitepaw could even hear the squeaking of kits waking and squirming to find their morning milk.

Most of the elders continued to snooze, but Whitepaw’s young energy wouldn’t let him sleep the day away. Besides, he’d already made plans. Getting shakily to his feet, he adopted his typical too-wide stance. It was an undignified posture for most cats, but Whitepaw found it the most reliable way to keep upright. The walk out of the den he took slowly to avoid falling. Though he shook as he walked and swayed dangerously to the side with every step, he fell only once before righting himself and continuing out of camp. He’d planned to say he was going to make dirt if any cat asked, but none did. They were too wrapped up in their duties to pay much mind to an overgrown kit fumbling around. He understood.

His times out of camp were few and far between, but he’d spent long hours listening to elders, warriors, even apprentices describe NightClan’s territory. In their stories he could taste the unique tang of the water at their borders, feel the wind of the meadow flying through his fur. More importantly, Whitepaw felt confident that he could find his way to one of the ponds nestled not far north of camp.

His going was slow and he stumbled more often as the terrain farther from camp became unfamiliar. His bumps and bruises were kept to a minimum, thankfully, as he knew to keep to the soft grasses and avoid as many rocks and hard surfaces as possible. If earlier he thought any cat was following him from camp, his fears were now assuaged; any warrior would have easily overtaken him by now. Left to his own devices, Whitepaw felt a faint glimmer of pride as he successfully stumbled to the shores of one of the twin ponds. Even here there was a flurry of life as bugs skimmed the quiet surface and frogs occasionally leapt around the shore.

But what interested Whitepaw was the life he couldn’t see: the fish. Though some cats disliked the strong taste, Whitepaw favored the flavorful freshkill. Even more, he enjoyed listening to stories of catching fish. For a cat who couldn’t chase after mice or leap for birds, fish presented him with an opportunity.

Standing beside the water and carefully leaning over until he saw his reflection, Whitepaw felt fear knot his belly. He was safe on the shore, but a single missed pawstep could easily send him tumbling in and unable to reach the surface. Suddenly his plan to teach himself fishing seemed a lot less foolproof.

But could he face going back and being scolded with nothing to show for it?

[Onyx]

Starlingstar hung back behind the tree line, trying to keep as still and quiet as possible. She'd just arrived a moment ago, and was startled to see Whitepaw here. There was no way he could have known that she made this trek nearly every morning as a way to peacefully start her day. The more she thought about it, she realized she'd never seen him outside of camp. Her first instinct was to guide him back and scold him, but a life confined to that small area was no life at all, she knew. She felt bad for him, and then she felt bad for feeling bad. She knew he wouldn't want pity; she had seen him snap at more than enough cats for trying to help him steady himself on his feet to know better. He didn't know this, and more than likely wouldn't thank her for it, but she had prayed many times to StarClan to help him. If not to take away his infirmity, then to give him the peace of mind and strength he would need to deal with it. She couldn't even imagine what is would be like to be in his paws, but she wanted to help somehow. Not only because she felt it was her responsibility as his Clan leader, but also because the nurturing part of her hated to see any cat in pain.  And if allowing him to be outside of camp for a few moments, seemingly under his own control and supervision would help, then she would try to grant him that much.

Still, the closer he came to the waters edge, the more uneasy she became. She was trying to give him a sense of freedom, but she couldn't let him risk his life for it. It was times like this she doubted herself as a leader; she didn't like not knowing which path to take.

Staying cooped up in camp will never help him get better, she reminded herself, squirming as he hovered over the water. Impulse guided her paws forward, and she emerged from the tree line, purposefully stepping on a twig so as to try to not sneak up on him. She did not intend to force him to go back to camp, but rather to give him company to ensure his safety. He was still young, and had no training, but he wasn't a kit anymore, and she wouldn't treat him like one if she could help it. "Good morning, Whitepaw. Enjoying the weather?" She hoped small talk would be the best way to approach this situation.

[DKT]

The purposeful snap of a paw on wood worked well to catch Whitepaw’s attention. Trying to move back made him stumble a bit, but he safely backed away from the water and faced his Clan leader. His eyes fell to the grass, embarrassed that his rebellious wandering would be caught by no less a cat than Starlingstar. But alongside his shame was a spark of defiance. It was petty and unreasonable, but some part of him wanted badly to blame her for not making him a warrior. Luckily, he was level-headed enough to keep that part pushed down. If he was Clan leader, there was little different he probably would have done.

He dipped his head, shaking slightly as he rose and hoping the gesture hid anything on his face that might have given away his bad feelings. He should be thankful that Starlingstar was being so kind even after catching him out here.

“Good morning, Starlingstar. I was, uh, just enjoying some sun.” Never mind that there were spots much closer to the camp where the sun would more easily warm his pelt. The flimsy excuse did serve to bring a question to his mind. Why was she here? Certainly she hadn’t followed him all the way from camp. “Are you on patrol?” He asked, eyes flickering in the direction she had come to look for signs of other cats.

[Onyx]

"It is a beautiful day, isn't it?" Now that he was farther from the waters edge and she no longer posed a risk of startling him, Starlingstar moved a few steps closer. She was mindful of his personal space and kept a couple foxlengths away. She noticed a shadow pass over his face, but wasn't familiar with him enough to pinpoint his exact emotions. She regretted that she made him uneasy by catching him out of camp, but was sure she did the right thing. He could easily have fallen in and drowned...

"Oh, no, I wasn't out on patrol, though it is a fine day to go hunting." She flinched internally, wishing she hadn't mentioned something a warrior could easily do, but that he would never be able to. She desperately hoped he wouldn't take offense, and quickly went on, hoping to smooth things over. "Ever since Newleaf came on, I've been coming out here every morning. It helps me to sort of take on the day in a more peaceful manner, if that makes sense." She smiled sheepishly. "I think mornings are especially beautiful in Newleaf."

[DKT]

Whitepaw gave a single nod. The joys of a solitary hunt were his to imagine, but he understood well the tranquility of a quick escape from camp. Whitepaw loved his Clanmates well, but it was easy to feel suffocated within the confines of the camp. It hadn’t occurred to him that a busy, important cat like Starlingstar could feel that way too. “I… I think so too,” he agreed hesitantly as he sat down to avoid a lot of unnecessary shaking. “It’s easier to appreciate it all after leaf-bare, I think.”

This last leaf-bare had been a lot of fun at first. The last time there had been snow, Whitepaw was just a kit and too young to remember. This year, he’d enjoyed galloping through the snow and landing in soft, forgiving banks instead of on the ground. Sure, the damp and chill had eventually turned his enthusiasm frosty, but Whitepaw knew he’d enjoy the same experience next year.

The fun of the memory helped him to look up at the she-cat and tell her the truth. “I came out here for a hunt, too. I wanted to try and catch a fish to take back.” What had seemed like a daring plan in his head suddenly sounded foolish said aloud to the Clan leader. His whiskers took on a distinct droop and his tail flopped angrily on the grass. How could he expect to be taken seriously when he acted like a kit?

[Onyx]

Starlingstar, relieved that Whitepaw seemed to not take offense to her poorly timed remark, widened her smile. "I agree. It doesn't hold the same magic in leafbare." The truth was Starlingstar had hardly come out to enjoy her mornings here this past leafbare. She was too preoccupied with ensuring her Clan didn't starve. It was a worry that weighed more heavily on her shoulders than any cat knew, and she spent every moment she could trying to hunt, and skipping more meals than she should have. "Still, the snow always makes this area beautiful. The pond freezes over, but not enough that a cat could walk on. It's very pretty."

She listened to him explain his reasoning for coming out here alone. Oh, Whitepaw... She could well understand his intent. She knew not earning his warrior name must make his heart heavier than she could imagine, and it was probably the reason behind the majority of his bitterness. The truth is she would have happily given it to him if only for the hardships he's had to endure and learn to prevail through with his condition, but she knew that that would never make him happy. A warrior name has to be earned, and she could figure that until he felt like he earned his, she could never give him one. No good Clan cat would be satisfied with being handed a warrior name without feeling they earned one.

She wished with all her strength she could help him. She couldn't stand the morose look that had taken over him. She glanced at the water, and had an idea. Not a great one, but she hoped it would work. "Well, if you'd like, I could stand next to you. You could use my body to prop yourself up, in the shallow end..." She spoke slowly, then trailed off her sentence. The shallow end she referred too was only a mouse-length deep. It would come partway up to their legs, but minnows darted back and forth. She knew he probably wouldn't catch one, but maybe trying would be enough to soothe him, if at least for today? She would help him back to his feet after he fell all day if she had to; she took it as her responsibility as leader to help his morale, and the kindness inside of her would not let her leave him until he was feeling better.

[DKT]

"I...really?" He was too surprised to worry about tact. He'd expected dozens of responses, but not the one she gave. Though still firmly seated on the ground, the excitement started a relatively mild tremor in the young cat. "Don't you have more important things to do?"

As soon as the words left him Whitepaw clamped his muzzle shut. Mouse-brain! Some cat offered him a chance to contribute to the Clan and he showed his gratitude by suggesting that his leader didn't know how to do her job!

"I, I meant... thank you!" He tried to force the words out as quickly as possible. Maybe he could distract her and she wouldn't be mad enough to change her mind! With that goal in mind, he climbed to his paws and started a brisk wobble towards the shallow water. "Will you sh—" trying to turn his head to talk lead to him flopping like a fish himself onto the grass, but he pulled himself up quickly with no great harm done and continued forward. "Will you show me how?"

[Onyx]

Gentle laughter came from the black and white she-cat before she could stop it. She smiled apologetically, hoping he understood she meant it in good will. "I have nothing better to do than to ensure every member of our Clan is well, Whitepaw. Besides, fishing is fun!"

Still smiling, she quickly padded forward to stand immediately next to him until her fur brushed his. She wanted to stay close in case he fell, so she could help him back up as quickly as possible. "Yes, I'll show you how." She stared intently at the gently moving water, watching the minnows. "The first thing you have to know is that you're not going to catch anything if your shadow is cast over the water." She checked, and continued, "Luckily, our shadows are behind us." She glanced at him quickly and smiled.

"Then, you've just got to focus and rely on instinct. When you see a fish come near, get ready." She spied a large minnow, and lowered her body slightly, muscles tensing. "Your muscles will tell you when to strike." The fish neared, and in a flash she struck a paw out, claws ready, and dragged the fish in at the same time as she lashed in with her sharp teeth. A quick snap, the fish was unmoving between her teeth.

[DKT]

The brush of Starlingstar’s fur against his was a welcome reassurance. Whitepaw’s unsteadiness meant that he often had cats physically supporting him or helping him up when he was still learning how to cope. Though he sometimes resented the attitude that went along with it, the touch of another cat always helped to comfort and steady him. He stayed close, happy to let himself be taken care of in exchange for this privilege. He was going to fish!

Starlingstar’s first bit of advice seemed obvious now, but he would have taken forever to realize the fish could see him leaning over like some curious badger! Ordinarily missing such an easy concept would have dampened his spirits, but Whitepaw was too excited to be deterred. He instead put himself studying his leader’s movements when the keen eyes of a cat who spent his whole life watching and listening. Here in the shallows he could see the fishes’ movement for himself, though they were somewhat obscured by the glitter of the sun on the water. Once Starlingstar picked her catch, he watched her exclusively. How easily she crouched, never losing sight of her target or giving herself away. The paw that caught it moved so fast that Whitepaw was a bit startled. But the grace of the movement, the cleanliness of the kill, it was all amazing. His eyes were wide in awe as he looked up at his Clan leader.

Her success spurred him on and all at once he was looking back to the water. The fish had been startled by the interruption, but some were already returning. “My turn!” He whispered. He tried his best to mimic Starlingstar’s crouch, but he could never seem to steady himself when his paws were tucked. Instead he lowered himself with his legs splayed out and his tail stuck straight out, giving him in balance what it took away in poise. His eyes flickered from minnow to minnow as every movement vied for his attention. When he decided on a single one, he began to worry. What if his instinct didn’t work? What if he missed it entirely? What if… now!

Whitepaw lashed out, splashing water in all directions as his front half flailed into water up to his elbows. Though the fish escaped without damage, the tom was shocked to feel his pads brush against it as it swam away. He’d been close! As his front paws landed in the mud at the bottom of the lake, he was surprised that they both found purchase in the thick muck and he stayed upright, if unsteady. “I touched it!” There was a kit-like pitch to his voice. “I almost had it!”

As his adrenaline faded, however, Whitepaw found himself afraid to move. He was upright now, but he could already tell that lifting his paws out of the mud and turning back to the shore would be perilous. “Starlingstar, can you help me out?” Pride or not, he wasn’t about to follow up a near-success with drowning!

[Onyx]

The black and white she-cat studied Whitepaw's movements as he tried to copy her moves. She was impressed with how quickly he caught on, but she knew he'd always been very bright. His stance was unusual, but it would work for him to keep balanced in his condition. She stayed very close as he lowered himself and spread all four legs, a little worried but trying not to let it show. Instead, she focused on Whitepaw's eyes, and saw the self-doubt written clearly on his face as he scanned the water a bit frantically. She was just about to give some comforting words when he lashed out, splashing Starlingstar and turning up mud. She moved to catch him, but was pleasantly surprised to see he'd landed squarely on all four paws, if a little unsteadily. She chuckled for a moment from the thrill of his almost catch, shaking the water from her fur. All the fish had scattered now, but that was okay.  It was about time to head in any way.

The pure happiness radiating from him in that moment left Starlingstar with a deep sense of pride for him. Sure, he hadn't caught the fish, but he'd done extremely well, and very few cats catch a fish their fish time anyway. She was deeply impressed with how well he'd done, and tried to find the words to convey the feeling. "Whitepaw, I'm so proud of you. You did so well!" She grinned widely at him, flicking her tail at him once.  "You caught on quickly!" 

She watched his happiness fade into mild fear, and realized that he was afraid to return to shore now. "Of course I'll help you." She moved closer until their fur brushed once again, leaning into him just slightly so as to provide support. "Let's head back this way. We will walk at the same time, okay?"

[DKT]

Movement in water, even shallow water, was entirely new to Whitepaw. He leaned heavily on the strong she-cat and was relieved that Starlingstar grabbed him the couple of times he stumbled. Once they made it to land, he was able to bound into the grass on his own and turn to face the black-and-white leader. Gone was the typically well-groomed young cat. His paws were coated almost entirely with the thick goop from under the water and the wet fur was beginning to spike and clump. Even the parts of him that hadn't been submerged were flecked with water and mud. And now, back on land, his wetness was helping dirt and grass to stick.

Far from dismaying him, being dirty felt like a badge of honor. Whitepaw held his head high as he looked his leader in the eye. "Thanks Starlingstar. Was I close? I think I was too slow..." Shaking as the cool morning air hit his wet fur, he fell onto the grass in a semi-relieved heap. Though no running was involved in his first hunting venture, the journey out and the excitement of it all had taken its toll on a cat normally camp-bound.

"Do... do you think I could come back again?”

[Onyx]

Starlingstar was happy to provide the support Whitepaw needed to get out of the pond, and helped him each time he stumbled. She was still filled with pride over the way he had learned so quickly and was so close to catching his fish. She hoped this experience would help him in the future, to know that he was capable of so much more than he'd thought. She wanted it to be a boost of self esteem for the young tom; he deserved it!

"You were great, and I mean it!" She purred, following him onto the grass. "Very, very few cats get a fish on their first try, and you were closer than most. I know I didn't catch a fish until my third training session." She peered at the mud and the water that coated his fur, and realized it was the first time she'd seen him like this. He doesn't have many chances to get dirt on his paws, she thought with a twinge of sadness. "Mud looks good on you!" She laughed and flicked him with her tail.

She studied him as he asked his last question. He had done very well, much better than she had expected, and no harm had come out of it. She looked from him to the pond, and stared out over the water for a moment, wanting to make the right decision. In the end, she decided it would do more good for Whitepaw than bad to be out here, and was happy to look him in the eye and respond, "Yes, Whitepaw, I'd like to bring you out here again." She smiled at the young tom, growing very fond of him. He was intelligent and good company to have, and a cat she was proud to have in her Clan.

[DKT]

Whitepaw purred at the praise, his tail flicking joyfully. Playfully, he gave one of his forepaws a flick and sent a few speckles of mud towards Starlingstar. “It looks good on you too!” When she directed her gaze back to the water, he stilled for a moment. He’d almost forgotten he’d originally come out without telling any cat where he’d gone! Maybe Starlingstar would say no to punish him? He glanced out towards the pond, as if her answer might be skimming the surface, then back to the she-cat.

When she replied in the affirmative, he instantly perked up. “Thank you,” he repeated, sure he could never say it enough. He hadn’t felt this much like an apprentice in his life, even when he was given the name Whitepaw. It brought a thought to his mind that would give him time to regain his energy before they had to go back to camp. “Starlingstar, what was your apprenticeship like?” It was hard to imagine the cat beside him as anything but a Clan leader, always singled out as special. He knew all the stories of his leader and the one about helping to save NightClan kits from a fox before she was even deputy was a popular one in the elders’ den, given that the kits’ mother was among his denmates. “When did you know you were going to lead the Clan?”

[Onyx]

Starlingstar laughed in good humor and tried to shake the mud off to no avail. "You're welcome, Whitepaw. You deserve it, and plus I think it'll be a lot of fun to teach you. You learn quickly!"

She tried not to flinch at the question, which brought back memories of a certain tom she had trained beside and fell in love with. Those thoughts hurt, so she pushed them down, and resolved not to mention Thrushclaw more than she had to. She never thought about him if she could help it, because it was a pain she still didn't know quite how to deal with, even all these moons later. She worked up a smile, though, because Whitepaw didn't know the pain his question brought her, and she wouldn't burden him with it either. Still, the stories that would answer both of his questions were quite sad.

"I was a very annoying apprentice, I think. I bugged the warriors a lot; I thought I was hilarious, but I've heard they thought otherwise." She smiled at the memory. "I made up a game where I would try to take the prey-kill out from between their teeth when they brought it into camp!"

"My first mentor was terribly injured trying to chase a fox out of the territory. He couldn't teach me anymore, and there were no other available mentors at the time, so I was paired up with another apprentice and his mentor." She swallowed quickly, trying to speak without feeling. "I was sad from losing my mentor, and at first I felt like I had to compete with my fellow apprentice. He was better than me, you know." She smiled sadly at this point, and she hoped Whitepaw would assume it was over thoughts of her deceased mentor. "I learned quickly, but Thrushclaw, Thrushpaw at the time, was always one step ahead of me, and that drove me crazy. For every mouse I could catch, he could catch two. For ever time I could pin him in battle training, he could pin me twice. Even so, we became friends eventually. He earned his warrior name one moon ahead of me, but at that point I had no ill feelings towards him. I knew he'd earned it."

She swallowed again, ending that story there. She hadn't spoken about it in a long time, and it left her trembling just a bit. She steeled herself, and went on to Whitepaw's next question. She decided to skip over the way she became deputy, as Whitepaw had likely already heard that story. It embarrassed her, the way the elders seemed to love to tell that story. They made her out to be a hero, but she only did what she felt any cat should do in the situation.  "Somehow, leading the Clan always seemed so far off to me, even though I was a deputy. I thought Swiftstar would be leader forever, or at least much longer than he'd been. I thought he would pass away long after me, and I never dreamed he'd retire." She found herself staring at a point behind Whitepaw, off into the distance. "It first became a reality after Swiftstar lost his mate to greencough. Every cat knew how much he'd loved her, but none realized the affect losing her would have on his mind. It began to cloud his judgement, and that's when I realized he wouldn't be able to be leader much longer. He wouldn't see reason, but eventually realized he had to step down for the good of the Clan."

"When I became leader, I was so nervous I think I shook constantly for the first two moons. I didn't think I was ready, and I was terrified to make a wrong decision." She didn't mention that she still held on to that fear to this day. She took a deep breath, and decided that's where she would end that for now. She exhaled, and worked up another smile for the young tom. "Sorry, I'm not much of a story teller."

[DKT]

Imagining a young Starlingstar being in the way of older warriors and being told off for it was an impossible image to conjure. The young leader-to-be he’d imagined was an exemplary apprentice: up early to volunteer for the dawn patrol, bringin back prey her size in her first days on the hunt, following exactly the orders of the warriors. In hindsight, it was an impossibly simple idea. How many young cats his age or younger fit that description?

The less happy parts of her story Whitepaw took in with a respectfully somber impression. He tried to put himself in the paws of Starlingpaw watching her denmate surpass her. It wasn’t hard. He understood what she meant about her lack of ill will; he couldn’t blame his peers either when he watched them become warriors. There was no other choice. He had, at the time, held a petty resentment towards Starlingstar herself, but if he didn’t feel bad about it then he did now.

The idea of a leader stepping down still confused him. What cat would turn their back on being such an important cat? He decided it was an older cat or a warrior thing and didn’t think too long on it. Romance was a distant, murky thing like next leaf-bare or seeing the cats younger than him become warriors: a worry for another moon.

“You still have time to practice.” It lacked the tradition and drama of the elders’ tales, but at least it was new. And it was an easy story to get into. “And I don’t know if it means anything, but I think you’re a good leader.” It was a thoughtful answer, his adjective not frivolously chosen. He was too young to pass any substantial judgement on Starlingstar. He had no experience living under another leader and he’d never even seen the cats who led SunClan and RainClan. But he knew the other cats in their Clan, knew how they treated cats who needed their camaraderie the most, and there were much worse cats to hold his fate in their paws.

Though the sun was steadily climbing, it wasn’t fast enough to negate the chill of the water that had soaked his pelt. Without some of the musculature and heft of a more active cat, the tom felt the cold acutely through his short, tabby-patched pelt. Taking in a deep breath, he pulled himself up. “I think I should go back.” Quickly, he added, “Because a good leader like you will keep their promise. This isn’t my last time here.” There was light tone to his voice, but his bright eyes were solemn.